Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Mirroring and new info

Let's spend a little time talking about mirroring/reflecting to continue our conversation about active listening skills. This is a fairly simple concept in a conversation and one that is not used too terribly often. It is very effective in demonstrating understanding of what they're saying and encouraging them to keep talking. It's a brief fall along after they finish a sentence, by repeating the last few words. It also helps you get oriented to what they are saying and to obtain agreement and confirmation. The best way to understand this is to give you an example. Let's say you're talking with a friend about problems they are having with a spouse it might sound something like this, “she doesn't pay any attention to me anymore and it's really starting to make me angry”. 
Your response just to get him to understand that you heard him and to encourage more dialogue would simply be “it makes you angry”. Typically after you save this to the person you're talking to, they are going to say, “right, it does make me angry”.  Not that you're trying to incite more anger into the conversation, the point of this is to make a further and deeper connection with the person you're talking to. Your intervention into their anger and helping them through it will come later when you start talking about solutions. Mirroring and reflecting is a very simple easy technique to integrate into conversations and specifically conversations where there are some emotions involved. People just want to be heard and being authentic about how you are listening and being present in the conversation will go a long way.

I have a ton of new ideas that I've been formulating over the last few weeks that I am eager to get onto paper and on my blog. Hopefully within the next few months these blog posts will start to be the framework for book that I want to write about a lot of these topics and many more including my thoughts on seeing your life from a different point of view, and why is it that we get so stuck that we can't seem to move forward. It's all about creating the possibilities for yourself that you want and deep down know you can have. One of the things that I have really learned for myself in the past few weeks is that most of our inability to take action revolves around fear. I will be talking about this more in the coming weeks and I am very excited about helping people create the possibilities for amazing things.